2
"…and so we see that there is, in fact, no stillness.
Nothing is at rest.
Our lungs rise and fall with the breath. Our hearts beat. Our brains
and nervous systems are alive with electrical energy and information.
Atoms dance. The Earth is spinning, revolving around the Sun.
Birds fly, fish swim. Motion everywhere!
Now, we can hypothesize… that all of this motion occurs…within…stillness.
There has been much conjecture that there is a single energy which
permeates and animates all. It's a vibration, a light, a frequency so subtle
as to be invisible, yet so powerful as to cause and allow all of this to
be…and… we can theorize that this energy is both still…and
experienceable. But, to state this conception as known fact… would
be specious…yes?
What we can say as known …is that the only peace to be found,
approximating stillness... is harmony within the constant movement.
To
be… fully and consciously aware… all faculties present… relaxed
and… poised… in the moment! With the movement! Ah! Now we're
getting somewhere!
Our aim is not to die, or disappear, into stillness…seeking
refuge from the inevitable…seeking shelter from what... is… hmmm?.
Our aim is to… be…present! Our aim is to be who… and
what… we are! Where we are!
Open your sails in the storm!
Knock and it shall be opened!
The Kingdom of Heaven…is…at …hand!… yesss?!?"… click
I hit the eject button and downshifted for the grade. I had my faded
Volvo in the slow lane, hugging the shoulder, fighting the blast from passing
trucks and minivans. The last thing I needed was the added distraction of this
self-satisfied clown and his sing-songy baby talk.
The tape had been left in the car by my on again/off again girlfriend, Deidre.
We were off again, and I think I'd been listening in hopes of gaining some
insight into our most recent parting, which had been even more abrupt and
confusing than usual. The guy doing the gabbing was Deidre's latest guru,
Baba Black Sheep, currently very hot on the self-help circuit. He'd
been around for years, had changed names several times to mirror his understanding
and his circumstance du jour. The Baba Black Sheep handle was a
response to some harassment he and his followers had been treated to by the
I.R.S., the upshot of which is that Baba now resides in exile with a core
group, somewhere in Belize.
Maybe I was jealous of Deidre's infatuation with the guy, maybe I was just
chock full of bile and looking to unload some of it, but blaming a voice
on a cassette for my mood was too pathetic even for me. It was time to own
my emotions for real:
I was empty, frustrated, bereft of inspiration. My heart was a cold stone
fist. There was a pit in my stomach the size of Dodger Stadium. And
yet by contrast, as if to ice the bitter cake, I was caught like a hapless
fly in the web of amorous physicality. My hormonal juice plant was working
double shifts. Too sexy for my hemp pants.
I was fraught with Horn.
Why
hadn't I felt like this just a few weeks ago, when Deidre and I were still
going strong? Everything might have worked out differently. Who can fathom
the workings of Cupid's Timex? Anyway, Deidre had needed some space, like they
all seem to, sooner or later.
I feigned understanding. We split the sheets.
I
put my worldly belongings in storage. Didn't need much: A sleeping bag, my
drum and laptop, some clothes and books. On impulse I threw in a box of business
cards. I hopped in the Volvo and headed up to Big Sur for some R&R.
There was a meditation intensive at Esalen, "Mindful Suffering: Exquisite/Excruciating",
which sounded timely.
Oh yeah…the cards?
They read:
Vic Perp
New Age Private Eye
Discreet Subjective Investigations
Continued HERE